This is a superficial conversation where we take turns to talk about ourselves. For example, at the water cooler:Ĭolleague: Great, thanks. Other times you want to interact with people on a surface level. Sometimes you want to express yourself or get your needs met. One of several modes that you switch between during the day. Think of listening as a mode of communication. If you only ever listened, you’d never eat! When I run communication training people sometimes think I’m telling them to use active listening all the time. You’ll be able to include it in normal conversations. Once you learn and practise the procedure, you can adapt it. Other times, you can use the technique without it being obvious. You can use the technique without it being obvious. In these situations, other people might notice you saying, “it sounds like,” and realise that you’re using active listening. Or when you’re talking to your friend who’s having a difficult time. For example, in a one-to-one meeting at work. Sometimes you’ll make it clear that you’re using a communication technique. Or in a crisis, when you need information as quickly as possible. Or if you need to get clarity when you’re working with a large group. You can also use it places you might not expect. Or when you want to help someone without giving them advice. You can use it whenever you need to understand someone better. That’s because it’s a versatile technique. I call active listening the Swiss Army Knife of communication. American psychologists Carl Rogers and Richard Farson coined the term ”active listening” in an article published in 1957.Īlthough the technique came from psychotherapy, it’s now used in business, education and beyond. Listening brings about changes in peoples' attitudes toward themselves and others… People who have been listened to in this new and special way become more emotionally mature, more open to their experiences, less defensive, more democratic, and less authoritarian. From their article: Despite the popular notion that listening is a passive approach, clinical and research evidence… shows that sensitive listening is a most effective agent for individual personality change and group development. Origin of the techniqueĪmerican psychologists Carl Rogers and Richard Farson coined the term “active listening” in 1957. If you want to improve your soft skills, it’s a great place to start. It’s the most versatile communication skill that I know. Have you ever noticed someone say, “it sounds like,” or “I’m hearing that,” when they talk to you? If so, they were probably using this technique. Your goal: imagine what it’s like to be them. You might even find that the other person learns something about themselves! When people listen to us, it changes how we see our own situation. As long as you commit to giving it a go, I guarantee that you’ll learn something. To connect with the feelings and needs which influence their words. Your goal is to imagine what it’s like to be them. This process isn’t about getting information. The cycle continues for as long as it needs to. Then you reflect back what you heard in your own words. Instead, you focus on what’s happening to them. While you listen, you ignore your own thoughts and ideas. Let’s get started! What is active listening?Īctive listening is a way to understand someone’s point of view. You’ll also get a free worksheet to print out. You’ll learn the pitfalls to avoid and top tips to remember. And instructions for how to practise with a friend. I’ll share a formula you can use to get started today. I’m also going to show you how it works with real examples. In this post I’m going to tell you what active listening is. You can use it whenever you need to build understanding. I call it the Swiss Army Knife of communication. Of all the techniques I’ve learned (and taught), one stands out: active listening. I’ve spent the last decade learning about communication skills. For those of us without magical powers, what’s our best option? How can we understand people’s point of view? Most of us need to communicate with many people every day. But when we assume, we often get it wrong. We might think that we know what matters to people. It’s rooted in their background and life experiences. No two people see the world in the same way. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could read people’s minds?
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